accomplishment

I am turning 30 in a couple of weeks. Yesterday I did an 8-hour solo mountain bike race to prove to myself that I was young and fit. Yesterday someone died at that mountain bike race. My friend did CPR and was wishing I rode by. Unfortunately, I was someone else out on the course and couldn't help her. He did not survive. Life went on as usual. Nobody stopped (except a couple of the guys who helped with the CPR efforts), the race went on, no announcement was made until the awards ceremony. There was no moment of silence, no cancellation of the race. It felt pretty wrong to be honest. Because I was in the midst of a grueling solo effort, quite honestly it didn't compute at the time. My husband was supporting me at the race and wasn't racing himself and he had a really hard time coming to terms with everything just going on as usual without any acknowledgment that a man's life had just ended in his 50s out on the trail. Nobody knows for sure what happened. They told us all that he had an MI, but it's impossible to know. He died out there in the woods, while we all pursued small plaques.


Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

jobs

I'm starting to look for jobs. The problem is that I'm not sure what I want in a job. I have a couple of requirements:
1) must have OB
2) must not have ER
3) opportunity to do palliative care, preferably inpatient

I would also like:
1) in house peds and OB support
2) other family docs doing OB to share call

is that reasonable?

The weight of the pad

Sometimes your prescription pad feels very very heavy. You don't realize until you're not a resident anymore how many people will casually ask you for scrips who aren't your patients. Nurses at the hospital, family members, neighbors, people ask on behalf of other people. Often it feels like it's something trivial and there's no harm but there's always a voice in the back of my mind telling me that I don't have a chart on this person and I don't have any documentation of what they told me and that I could get in big trouble... Of course I take these things on a case by case basis - is it an emergency? Is it a day or location when they have no access to care otherwise? Do I trust this person to take my advice?

An example - I got a text from a friend while I was at the cottage and she had an infected cat bite. I couldn't see the bite so I sent her to the ER for assessment but she was really pissed that I wouldn't just call in an Rx for antibiotics.

Sometimes people take advantage of you because you're new and young and want to make a good impression i.e. nurses at the hospital. It's a hard line to walk and the pen sometimes feels very heavy.