Today I thought about my first (but not the last) patient to die. I was on my peds rotation of clerkship and was on peds ICU... a very small service. One patient. I spent every hour of every day watching the ICP monitor on that patient, hoping that they would make it. I came in one morning after a night off call and the I asked the nurse how the patient is. The nurse said "they're a donor" and I lost it. I think I cried all day. I felt so close to that family and so bad for their loss... I went to the funeral and felt so bad that they appreciated me being there so much. I will never forget that patient.

I've been studying and practicing for years and I'm sooo ready to have a house and decorate it! I've used apartments to experiment with colours and figure out what I like and now I know... just to find a house to put my stamp on! (Let's hope it's got room for 8 bikes)

Epworth Sleepiness Scale

After reading Table for One I decided to score myself on the Epworth Sleepiness Scale I scored 10 - seek advice from a sleep specialist without delay... The thing is - I've always been proud of my ability to sleep at a moment's notice. I often fall asleep in a boring meeting but never in an interesting one - I just find it to be a filtering mechanism. I've never fallen asleep with a patient but have fallen asleep waiting for a patient to arrive... I like to think of it as an economical use of my time!

real job

I just took my first real job. Now I'm peeing my pants. It's only for 6 months, 4 days a week. With obstetrics - about 3 to 4 deliveries per month. We'll see how it goes!

promise of things to come

So, with the prospect of a long term locum on the horizon, of course Ben and I go crazy looking for houses again. We are so desperate to have a real house with real places to put all our stuff that every time we think we're going to move somewhere we go crazy moving into MLS houses in our minds. We have only ever looked at 1 house and I have to say, it looked a lot better in the pictures on-line.

Week 2 of my rotation is going a bit better than week 1 because there aren't 3 learners trying to work with 1 consultant this week. Two seems to work much better when there are two consult rooms and one consultant. I'm trying to push myself this rotation to do more teaching of the medical student. I just hope I don't teach her anything wrong! The consultant I'm working with doesn't really ask a lot of questions so I find myself "pimping" the medical student. Not in a mean way, but I'm used to being taught using the Socratic method and I found it quite effective... I'm trying to embody Socrates.

new rotation

Just started a new rotation in a small town just outside of the bigish city where I now life. Things I have learned so far:
1) crystal meth is much more prevalent in small town Ontario than I thought
2) I need to re-certify my NRP (neonatal resuscitation). If you don't use it, you definitely lose it. Most of the places where I've trained there are NICU nurses that come to resus. situations and do all the work. Hence, I have lost all skills. These are skills I really think I need to have given that I will probably work somewhere where if they have peds, peds will be on home call. Need to learn how to depend on self.
3) I love delivering babies. I did 2 deliveries this week that were uncomplicated, which my last 10 or so haven't been, this was a real blessing and reminded me how much I love birth and being part of someone's birth experience.
4) Getting a good real job might be harder than I thought. The first place I went and met with didn't seem like a great fit and they already have someone starting and someone filling their locum. I have another interview on Thursday which seems promising. I felt out the HR person in the town where I'm now placed and they have no more waiting list so aren't looking for any doctors at this time. It seems like some places are desperate and others are over-supplied. I think it often has to do with whether the city/town has a residency program and is supportive of new grads - those positions seem like they're in high demand. Plus, if you're a resident coming from there, you're a known quantity and are more likely to be hired. I guess we'll see how things go on Thursday
5) after 2 days of being 30, it doesn't seem so bad. We'll see how being a grown up goes.

I can't think of many people who have changed the world we live in so drastically as Steve Jobs did. Whether you love his products or hate them, he started in a garage selling the first personal computers and revolutionized the way we live. I raise my glass to you Steve, you were taken from the world too soon.

wishing and hoping...

If I ever win the lottery I'm buying all my clothes from Orla Kiely

I would buy these (all of them):