I do not have to work for 4 whole days. Amazeballs!

the slooooow crack

Our manager we hired has officially turned down the job after an informal acceptance. I almost cried. I have never really been speechless before... I was speechless. I went to bat for this woman and basically convinced quite a few of my colleagues to go for her and she let me down. I probably feel more gutted than I should, but I was really looking forward to finishing up with my "extra duties". I'm sick of this.

Thankfully, I haven't been sued yet.

I brought a proposal today to our physicians at our board of directors. The proposed plan would have simplified patient's lives and improved patient care and leveraged our already available services from allied health professionals. Why was it rejected? Money. Even though the numbers show that the majority of physicians would not lose any money. Normally I wouldn't take something like this so personally but today I was totally pissed off. Well, live and learn, try to do something good and you get shot down. Maybe I should just stop trying.

Manager Hired!

We finally hired a new manager. Hopefully this one will stick. She seems to have all of the great relevant skills and is very nice. Now to vomit all the things I have learned out of my brain and into hers! I am very excited to get these extra tasks off my plate.

I have been waking up in the middle of the night a lot lately, anxieties, fears, almost like going back to my first month in practice when I worried about everything and anything. I feel like I'm back in that headspace, like someone is suddenly going to figure out that I'm an imposter and I'm not worthy. Someone is going to find me out and sue me and my life will never be the same. I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but I do.

In other news, we are building a deck. Ben and I aren't very good at cooperating on things like this but thankfully there haven't been too many disagreements - just a few bickering sessions! The deck beams and joists are almost done, we're just waiting for some cement to dry and then we can start putting on the deck boards! I'm stoked to hang out and have a drink on the deck when we're done.

change... again

Our office seems to be in a constant state of flux. Managers retiring, new manager starting, managers sucking, managers leaving, interviewing new managers etc. etc. etc. In the absence of a manager the MDs have had to pick up the slack and act as an office manager. I must often have a look of panic on my face because my colleagues have told me I need some time off. I dream about full sharps boxes and paper shredding boxes and needing to discipline employees. I just was not trained for this and never wanted to do anything like this. Management is just not something I get any pleasure from. I also don't like change. Too much going on all at once.

Plus, I have a patient who came in to get copies of his xrays of an injury to "take to a lawyer" and now I wake up in a cold sweat afraid that I'm getting sued. I'm just waiting to be served papers. Ugh. I know I didn't do anything wrong, but that doesn't mean you don't get sued in this business...