Reinvention

Driving back to school this afternoon after a weekend at home, we had a very interesting conversation. Have you ever moved to a new place and convinced yourself that you were going to change your personality and become the person you always wanted to be? That you would reinvent yourself and suddenly everything you didn't like about yourself would melt away because these were new people, they don't know your past? I sure have. Every time I go to a new place or a new school I tell myself that everything I don't like about myself is going to change. I will be more outgoing, I will participate in all of the activities that create lots of friendships with my peers, I'll be surrounded by people who like me, I'll never spend another Friday night wishing that someone would call me and include me in their plans.

What I've realized, after trying this 4 or 5 times, is that you can't change the big stuff. You inevitably will go back to being the same core person you were before; after a few days/weeks all those good intentions seep away because they don't mesh with who you are. But, you can adopt a few small changes, things that make you more likeable, loveable, easier to live with, and if you persevere, you can modify how people see you as a person. You can't change the foundation of your personality, but you can maybe change the curtains or the colour of the front door.